Perception is a funny thing. We always want what we can’t have – until we have it. Once we have what we couldn’t have we see that it’s not all rainbows and butterflies, and maybe we see things through rose tinted glasses. Take motherhood for example, we get on Facebook and see these mothers who are put together, smiling with their perfect children, and everyone is playing on this wonderfully sunny day, even the family dog. What they don’t show you are the sleepless nights, the poop smeared walls, the bowl of milk and cereal being slung in moms hair, etc. Does that mean they regret their decision? Absolutely not. Most would say it was the best decision they ever made. I feel the same way about farming and animals. It is a lot of heartache, hard work, and down right dirty work. So, instead of acting like it is a glamorous life I am going to share with you a few ugly truths.
1. 95% of the time I have poop somewhere on me. Whether it be my shoes, pants, or shirt … I literally have poop on me. Recently I went to the Doctors office and when I sat down I smelled…that’s right, chicken poop. I immediately got up, went outside, and when I looked down poop was smeared on my Toms. Ugh. I cannot tell you how many times I come to work with stains on my pants and sweatshirt from being jumped on. Heck, just this week I was driving down the road and stuck my hand in my sweatshirt pocket to find… POOP! Gross.
2. Not to sound conceited but… I like my legs. (Or I did when I was younger.) I am officially reaching the age where things are, ahem, not quite as tight and thin as they used to be. I’ve always liked the fact that despite years of working outside (I am a farmers daughter after all) my legs are scar free. Heck, they rarely even bruise. Until now. At night I am always astonished at the amount of cuts and bruises covering my thighs, shins, and knees. Truly astonished. If I am not banging into fences or gates, somehow an animal is to blame. It is crazy.
3. I typically smell like soured milk. Sad, but it is the truth. Well it’s probably a mixture of poop and soured milk :). I should bottle the smell and call it Le farm de fragrance. Ha. But really, if a baby isn’t slinging it’s bottle all down my front, somehow in the middle of milking I stop paying attention, miss the bucket, and spray myself. No, I’m not kidding. Milk will go all over my face, in my hair, and spray my shirt. I live such a glamorous life, y’all.
4. At least once a day Justin and I are discussing poop, diarrhea, teats, or some other bodily function in our animals. I am amazed at the number of conversations we have about AI (artificial insemination) vs. the “old fashioned” way ;). Or better yet the 1000’s of causes of diarrhea in our goats. Our conversations are mind blowing for intellectual stimulation. Ha.
5. I have literally been sprayed by a buck. Now, for the sake of everyone reading this I will keep this as PG as possible. Let’s just say that I rounded the corner at the same time one of dad’s bucks decided he wanted to “make friends” with one of dad’s does. The result? My legs and feet were fertile. I won’t lie…I screamed like a little city girl as I stripped out of my pants and ran inside. I. Was. Horrified.
I could keep going forever. Just like any “dream life/job” there is a dirty side. I have so many friends who say “Ugh, I envy your life” and I laugh. I laugh because they are envying poop shoes, fertile blue jeans, and sour milk hair. But goodness if these lovelies don’t make it all worth it. Those babies love to climb all over us and on the rare occasion that I remember to video them…they are tamely climbing. I wish I could get a video of their usual crazy ways.
Until next time… remember that the grass may be greener on the other side but that is because it is full of POOP!